


Plan Wang is in motion, Captain Wang of the Wangan, Passengers Jaegyeom

by chewhy



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Babysitting, Fluff, M/M, Polyamorous Character, Trans Character, markbamson probably, markson maybe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-30 22:35:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6444790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chewhy/pseuds/chewhy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>that feeling when your babysitter from fourth grade invoked your sexual awakening, and then you go to college and it turns out they're still really hot</p><p>=7k of what the hell for a prompt on http://7fics.tumblr.com/</p>
            </blockquote>





	Plan Wang is in motion, Captain Wang of the Wangan, Passengers Jaegyeom

**Author's Note:**

> low-key polyamorous bambam is in a relationship with everyone  
> trans!mom jinyoung  
> the great mystery of jeon jungkook???  
> lotta swearing?  
> sporadic honorifics because english whoops  
> drinking? idk, college stuff  
> i know nothing about college and i’m super lazy at making up names, so there’s a lot of numbers of things that probably should have names  
> a giant mess idk what happened sorry

“Yugyeom-ah, come say hi. This is your new babysitter, his name is Jaebum.”

“H-hello, Jaebum ahjussi,” Yugyeom stutters out. He looks up, up, up at the tall, tall must-be grown up standing in front of him. But the guy in front of him also couldn’t possibly be a grown up, because no way Jaebum ahjussi is wearing ripped clothing and is sporting Air Jordans on his feet and he looks so, so cool. 

“Hey there, kiddo. I’ll be hanging out with you for the rest of the night, how’s that sound?” He speaks, and his voice is even cooler than his appearance, if that’s even possible. And, and! Jaebum ahjussi said hanging out instead of playing or babysitting and Yugyeom feels cool too, like he’s an adult and everything is so wonderful. Yugyeom wants to tell his best friend Bambam about this cool ahjussi he met, but at the same time Yugyeom wants to keep Jaebum ahjussi all to himself. 

Then he realizes that he’s got his mouth still hanging open, and goes to close it just as his mom says, “Yugyeom-ah. Close your mouth or you’ll catch flies.”

“Moooooooooooom,” Yugyeom whines. He can’t believe his mother just embarrassed him, in front of Jaebum ahjussi of all people. But he forgets about it in a moment because, “Woah, ahjussi, is that a skateboard? Can I try?”

Jaebum laughs, and ruffle’s Yugyeom’s hair. His eyes crinkle until they’re gone and the piercings in Jaebum’s ears (which are the coolest, he’s already planning on how he’ll beg his mom for some just like Jaebum ahjussi’s) dangle when Jaebum throws his head back, and Yugyeom wants to touch them, test if they’re as sharp as they appear. “Sure you can, kid. But only if you promise to call me hyung, and not ahjussi, okay?”

“Yes, hyung!” Yugyeom shouts proudly, because only people who are close, and friendly call other people hyung and it’s such an honor. “Hyung?” Yugyeom musters up all the courage that can be held in his tiny body. 

“Yeah?” Jaebum hyung responds, stooping down so he is at eye level with Yugyeom. 

Yugyeom can already feel a blush coming onto his face, but he manages to blurt out, “You’re so cool hyung!” before he runs and darts behind his mom, hiding behind her skirt. 

—

It’s been a few years now, Yugyeom is much older, much taller, much more mature and now he’s one of the cool kids that he admired so much before. As a matter of fact, Yugyeom is going to college. College. It’s not really a big deal, really, he doesn’t even care that much as long as he gets to dance. It’s just hard to ignore when—

“COLLEGE!” his mom shrieks for, oh, maybe the 700th time. “My baby is finally going to college! You be careful out there, okay? I can’t believe you’re all grown up already, my fine boy.”

“Uhg, mom, can you stop? You’re embarrassing me, I’m not even going far,” Yugyeom grumbles. He grumbles, and he does not whine because he’s no longer a baby and only babies whine. He’s cool now. He has a reputation for his dance duo with Bambam, he’s popular, he’s king of the world! (He’s also a little nervous because he’s going to college and he’s going to be a freshman again but he’s an adult now and he can make adult choices and he’s not scared what no no way!)

“Oh, I’m sorry baby, mommy’s just so proud of you for following your dreams and I still can’t believe you managed to get into college—“

“What the hell, mom? Are you saying that you didn’t think I was going to go to college?” Yugyeom asks in disbelief. What is he going to do, his own mother doesn’t think he’s going to be able to make it through college!

“Language!” she snaps at him, before returning to smiles and hugs and coddling and, “Sweetheart, it wasn’t that I thought no college would want you, you’re such a sweet boy that anybody, and I do mean anybody would love to have you as a part of their community. But, you’re grades just…”

“Uhg, mom stop. My grades are fine, just go already,” Yugyeom whined. 

“Oh, Yugyeom sweetie, don’t forget to eat three meals a day, you’re still a growing boy, and go to sleep early, okay? And be careful, you don’t want to hurt your ankle again, and oh, is there anything else I’m forgetting, you just tell me if you need anything, I’ll—“

“Haha, okay of course mom, no problem bye~” Yugyeom calls as he slowly nudges her out of his dorm room and shuts the door. He may or may not be able to still hear his mother’s voice trailing down the hallway, calling out random, unnecessary reminders. How humiliating. But… It is the last time he’s going to see her in a while. “I love you, too,” he calls, poking his head out and in the door as fast he possibly can. He doesn’t think that it was worth it when he hears his mom start sobbing a moment later. And then, a few more moments later, he hears the same sobbing and “my baby’s going to college” floating up to his 5th floor bedroom window. “Uhg.”

—

Okay, so maybe his mom was right in underestimating his ability to do well academically. Really though, don’t misunderstand! It isn’t that he’s not smart! He’s just… Well… He’s a dance performance major, it’s not like he’s going to need to know how to write reports or dissect fetal pigs when he’s a famous dancer giving tours all over the world. 

“Bambam. Bambam~”

“Oh my god Yugyeom, what do you want, let me live,” Bambam groans from where he’s situated on the bed. Yugyeom’s bed, in case anybody was wondering. 

“Have you done the reading analysis paper yet? What passage did you choose?” Yugyeom asks, sullenly flipping through his book. At this point, he’s not actually looking at the words anymore. Who is he kidding though, it isn’t as if he’s ever looked at the words before. “I just, I don’t see whey this is necessary! At all! Bambam are you listening?”

A thumbs up pops up from under the pile of blankets and pillows Bambam is situated under. “Of course, Gyeom. Just, can you whine a little quieter? I need my beauty sleep.”

“I do not whine!” Yugyeom gasps indignantly. But quietly. Because, goodness knows, Bambam needs his beauty sleep. Especially with Bambam’s roommate’s late-night sleep-talking, sleep-walking escapades, the lack of sleep shows on Bambam’s face. And it is not a pretty sight, no not at all. “Speaking of your roommate.”

“Were we talking about my roommate?” Bambam wonders. His words, however, get muffled behind his pillows and Yugyeom doesn’t hear him, choosing instead to continue talking. Or maybe Yugyeom is ignoring him. 

“What major did you say he was? Wasn’t he a poetry major or something? And he got held back a year? So he’s probably familiar with all of our assignments?” Yugyeom asks, eyes bright as he develops his Plan D to pass English without actually doing any work. 

“You’re an idiot,” is Bambam’s only response. (His roommate is a music therapy major—whatever the heck that means—and he’s only a year older because he took a gap year to “discover himself” and came back to school when he realized “discovering yourself” doesn’t get you a job.)

“Whatever. Have you or have you not finished the assignment, Bambam?” Yugyeom asks. This time, he’s the one with the muffled voice, face planted right in the spine of the book he’s (should be) reading. 

There’s a scoff, followed by a jumble of groans that Yugyeom takes to mean, “Who do you think I am.” What Yugyeom can’t interpret is whether that means “Yes, I have” or “No, I have not.”

There’s some more shuffling, and then Yugyeom thinks he spies a nose peeking out of the blankets, “What about Jungkook, has he done it?”

“Who’s Jungkook?” Yugyeom asks. “Is he smart?”

“Your roommate, dumbass. How can you not even know your roommate’s name!” Bambam scolds. 

Yugyeom’s about to bite back with a comeback about how he doesn’t even have a roommate, who’s the dumbass now, when the door clicks open and a boy with black hair peeks in. “Hey, I was doing the laundry and your phone was in my basket, also, your mom is calling and says it’s really urgent that she talk to her baby boy right now.”

“Who are you?” Yugyeom stutters out but the boy is already long gone by then. Bambam later tells him that that is in fact Jungkook, Yugyeom’s actual-real-life roommate who apparently never comes into the room when Yugyeom is around or awake. Currently, however, Yugyeom is soon distracted by his mother’s shrill voice echoing from his phone. 

“KIM YUGYEOM! ARE YOU THERE? HELLO? YUGYEOM-AH, DARLING, TALK TO YOUR MOTHER! I’M VERY WORRIED ABOUT YOU! HELLO?”

“Mom, please stop yelling,” Yugyeom whines. “Even Bambam can hear you at this point. 

Her the alarm in her voice dies down quickly; her volume, however, does not. “Oh! My boy Bambam is there, too? Put him on the speakerphone, quickly, quickly!” 

“Hi Mrs. Park! It’s Bambam!” In no time, the two are chatting away like best friends. Yugyeom sometimes thinks his mother likes the Thai boy more than her own son. Probably because they love to gossip so much. It’s usually a good thing, because that means Yugyeom can zone out and mostly not talk to his mom.

Yugyeom’s zoned out again, staring at the dead bug that’s been stuck on his wall since… Wow how long has that been there? He’s never really noticed it before now, sort of like the way he’s never really noticed that Jungkook was his roommate… Speaking of Jungkook, he catches something from Bambam’s conversation and slowly zones back in. 

“…was his roommate, and then, he had the audacity to ask if Jungkook was smart! Hah, Jungkook, academics, those two mesh together about as well as, well, Yugyeom and academics! It’s hilarious, Yugyeom has barely even turned in a single assignment in his english class and…”

Yugyeom realizes too late that he zoned in a little too late. “BAMBAM!” he screams at the same moment his mother shouts, “KIM YUGYEOM!”

Bambam takes this as his cue to exit the room. “See you later kiddo. I sincerely hope you aren’t deaf by then.”

The following shouting that ensues is unmatched by even the best of heavy metal rockers. It’s actually pretty calm, by Yugyeom’s mom’s standards though, so he’s able to zone out and whine a little at the important bits. Such as:

“Kim Yugyeom, if you don’t get your grades up this very instant, I swear to the high heavens above that Jesus will smite you down where you stand, and if Jesus doesn’t, I will! You do not want to face your mother’s wrath!”

“Mom. Are you even Christian?”

“That doesn’t matter! Go and get your grades up, do your assignments, get a tutor, beg your teacher, I don’t care!”

“Would you have your own son groveling at the feet of some old balding professor, all for a measly academic letter? Grades don’t matter, mom! Feelings do! And ear drums!”

“Oh, speaking of tutors, I know just the right boy!” Of course, his mother continues talking without acknowledging a word he’s said. 

“Mom. I don’t need a tutor, I’m fine,” Yugyeom tries to butt in. His mother, of course, is not having any of it. 

“Do you remember, child, back when you were just a little baby? Oh, I miss those days when you and Bambam would just play mostly quietly and kiss me on the cheek when I asked. But, oh right, a tutor, Yugyeom! A tutor would do you good, and what would you know, but your babysitter is a senior at the very same college you go to!”

“Mom, stop, that’s embarrassing, and I don’t need a— Wait Mom did you just say Im Jaebum hyung goes to this school.”

“Jaebum! Yes, Jaebum is such a smart young boy, and so filial, too. Not at all like a certain son I know.” Yugyeom can practically feel the pointed look she’s sending him over the phone. 

“Mom, are you subtweeting me over phone?”

“He’s a senior, you know, Jaebum is. Such a good boy, too, I heard he took a gap year to work so that he could pay for his college. Because, unlike some young boys, he knows that money doesn’t grow on trees.”

“Wait, Mom, wasn’t he like 20 when I was 9?” Yugyeom wonders. He remembers, Jaebum hyung was so old and cool. 

“No, silly, he was only thirteen! I’ll call him right now, I’m sure he’s kept the same number as before. I’m going to hang up now, Yugyeom-ah! Don’t forget to eat three meals a day and do your homework! And give Bambam our love!” Before Yugyeom can even respond, he’s met with the drone of the dial tone. 

“Oh. My. God.”

—

“AHAHAHAHAHA, I can’t believe it! Your mother had you babysitter by a thirteen-year-old! When you were nine! What is he gonna do, dial the phone a little faster than you?” Bambam is, as per usual, laughing his ass off at Yugyeom. “I can’t believe you were so enamored with a thirteen-year-old. This is hilarious, this is the news of the century, Yugyeom!”

“That’s not the point, did you not hear? He goes to our college! I’m breathing the same air as him right now! This is insane!” Yugyeom shouts back. Bambam should really be focusing on the important issue at hand, not whatever dumb Bambam thing that he’s focusing on is. He wonders how his so-called best friend can still be a little bitch over the phone.

“But Gyeom! I though you said Jaebum hyung was an ahjussi, I though he was twice your age or something!” Bambam crows. “You thought a thirteen-year-old was ‘the coolest ever!’”

“Whatever, that’s not the— Wait hold on I have an incoming call I’ll get back to you later,” Yugyeom says, looking down at the unfamiliar numbers flashing on his phone. He hopes it’s not another one of those scam calls, and lifts the phone back up to his ear, “Hello? Who is this?”

“Yugyeom? Is this Yugyeom?” the voice asks. There’s a hint of familiarity ringing in the voice, but then again, Yugyeom is very popular. (He’s actually just adequately popular, but likes to delude himself.)

“Yes, this is he. Who is this?” Yugyeom repeats his question, getting a little frustrated. He wasn’t the one that made the call, now, was he?

“Ah, Yugyeom-ah! It’s so good to hear from you again, your mom called and told me you go here! She was asking me to look out for you actually, I hear you’ve been getting into trouble again,” the voice goes on. Yugyeom can hear the mirth in his voice; he’s afraid that he himself, however, does not share the same feelings. 

“Excuse me, who are—“ Yugyeom gets cut off again before he can spit out his question.

“Hey, why don’t I buy you dinner sometime? We can talk over dinner, and I’ll ‘cue you in on some tips and helps for college life’ or so Mrs. Park says,” the Strange Man continues, “What dorm are you in? I’ll come pick you up.”

“Number 3 behind the swampy courtyard, but who is—“

“Alright, Friday, six o’clock? You can bring Bambam, too, if you want, I’ll have a few friends over as well. See you then, Gyeom-ah,” and with that, the Strange Man hangs up. 

Yugyeom realizes later, as he’s telling Bambam about the incident, that it probably wasn’t the smartest thing to give his address to a stranger, but then again, said stranger seemed to know his mom. Plus, free food! That’s the first thing any college student learns, right? Always accept free food. 

—

The day has come, and it’s Friday, 6 o’clock. Yugyeom actually doesn’t realize that he’s supposed to be getting ready to be somewhere until he meanders down to the first floor with his pikachu pajama pants on in hopes of finding somebody’s discarded food. (It’s actually not that disgusting, he promises himself, and it’s a way of life that everybody in the dorm has picked up on. You give and you take, the circle of life and whatnot.)

He’s just exiting the commons area with a granola bar in his mouth when a hand comes down square on his back. “Yugyeom! There you are!”

He chokes once because the guy just slapped him really hard when he was trying to swallow, and then chokes again because he looks up and, “Jaebum hyung? What are you doing here?”

“I said I was taking you out to dinner, remember? Come on, let’s go, my friends are waiting at the restaurant,” Jaebum says as he drags Yugyeom out the door. “Did you say Bambam was coming, too?”

“No,” Yugyeom says hesitantly, “Bambam has a project due.” He leaves out the fact that Bambam wasn’t interested in being kidnapped by a Strange Man and refused to come with. Yugyeom’s still too surprised that he didn’t recognize Jaebum’s voice sooner, and doesn’t notice he’s still only in his pikachu pj’s until they get to the restaurant. 

“Yo, Jaebum hyung! Over here!” a voice calls out to them as they step through the doors. “Is that the kid? Nice pants, man!”

Yugyeom feels like a stop sign, he’s blushing so hard right now. “Yugyeom, this is Mark and Jackson,” Jaebum points out. Mark gives him a gentle smile (and wow that hyung is really handsome) and Jackson is still oohing over Yugyeom’s fashion choices. “Guys, be nice. This is Yugyeom, the kid I babysat.”

If Yugyeom thought he was blushing before, now he thinks he might have eaten a thousand Jolokia peppers. Oh my god. Jaebum hyung’s friends know him as the “kid Jaebum hyung babysat.” How humiliating. Yugyeom can only thank the heavens that Bambam decided to stay behind that night. 

Yugyeom doesn’t think it can get any worse. As usual, Yugyeom’s wrong. 

First, he misses his cue to sit down. It takes a couple tries for Jackson to get his attention, even with the loudest Jackson voice possible (this is mainly because Yugyeom is mentally screaming even louder than Jackson, something along the lines of “Fuckkkkkkkkkkk myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife”) and takes Jaebum tugging on his hand (as if he’s some kind of child! That needs assistance! He’s absolutely not!) to finally pull him into his seat. Then, when they’re ordering drinks (how does somebody fuck up ordering drinks? Yugyeom doesn’t even know anything at this point) Jackson and Jaebum get beers, Mark gets a coffee (“At night?” Jackson asks him with an eyebrow raised. “I have a paper due,” Mark responds. “Mix it with vodka, I promise it helps.” “Shut the fuck up.”) and right before Yugyeom’s about to order, Jaebum cuts in and says, “Do you want a chocolate milkshake? You love those, right?” 

At that point, Yugyeom isn’t sure if he should be flattered that Jaebum remembers his favorite drink or embarrassed that Jaebum thinks of him as a child who still drinks chocolate milk. It’s irrelevant that he still loves chocolate milk, and ice cream, and anything at all related. Completely irrelevant. 

The rest of the meal is spent pouting and petulantly slumping over in his seat. Jaebum mostly eats while Jackson and Mark coo over what an absolutely cute and adorable little dongsaeng Yugyeom is. (Yugyeom is in no way cute or adorable. He is cool, and macho, and manly. Shut up, Bambam, we do not talk about the Brony phase.) 

By the time Jaebum is paying and they’re headed outside, it’s been solidified. Yugyeom is the official new cutie pie baby of the group. It doesn’t help matters when Jaebum stops Yugyeom before stepping out to bend down and tie his shoelace. “Yugyeom-ah, do you still not know how to tie your shoes properly?”

“Wh-what no I… They were just loose!” Yugyeom sputters out. He’s still definitely not whining, nope, no way. Jaebum just gets up and pats Yugyeom on the head causing Mark and Jackson to hug each other, cooing and squealing, and Jackson is literally screeching, “Oh my GOD that is so EFFING cute,” and seriously Yugyeom is withering in his newly tightened shoes, the whole goddamn street can probably hear Jackson and no, his face is only burning because of the cold, and no, his heart is not beating any faster, and no, his stomach is only flipping to digest all of the meat (and the chocolate milkshake) he ate, and seriously is Mark getting out his phone? 

But wait! It’s not over yet. All hell breaks loose when (a possibly slightly drunk Jaebum) slips an arm around Yugyeom’s neck, or at least tries to. Yugyeom may or may not see it coming, and give out a manly shriek while ducking. Jaebum may or may not have under compensated for Yugyeom’s height (since when was the kid so damn tall anyway?) and that, combined with Yugyeom’s ducking just might have resulted in Yugyeom getting decked in the face. Why, of all unlucky happenstances, did he have to be standing on Jaebum’s left?

Of course, to top it all off, Mark got the whole thing as a recording on his phone. Jackson, somehow, of course, knows Bambam (damn them social butterflies) and sends it to him, as well. As far as first meetings go… Well, at least it’s memorable. 

—

Luckily for Yugyeom, Bambam is quickly introduced into the group and takes on the role of cutie pie baby. Bambam seems to like it too, and Yugyeom can only wonder how he tolerates such a thing, but then again, even when they were younger, Bambam would be the one ready to give out kisses to Mama Jinyoung while Yugyeom would shy away with a shout of, “Mom, stop, you’re embarrassing me!” Which, truthfully, is still a regular occurrence. (The “Mom, stop,” part, not the kisses as much. Even Bambam’s grown up a little over time.) They settle into an easy routine, hanging out and getting lunch throughout the week, getting together at one of their dorms (often Yugyeom’s because it’s a big room used by one person… Technically Jungkook uses it, too? In the wee hours of some nights maybe?) to “Get Shit Done and Make Homework Their Bitch” as lovingly called by Jackson, or “Gyeom-ah, Let Me Tutor You in Everything Because I’m So Perfect” as paraphrased by Yugyeom as quoted by Jaebum from Yugyeom’s mom. Honestly, though, Yugyeom’s mom has been calling Jaebum for “progress reports” more often than she’s been calling Yugyeom himself. 

Today is a Friday night, meaning one of the study sessions, but it’s a much more relaxed atmosphere (aka they have their books open but also the television is playing The Avengers and really, which one’s more captivating? “The homework,” Jaebum says. “You’re a giant nerd,” everybody else says). They’re at Mark and Jackson’s shared apartment, squished into a corner of the living room because it’s the only place that you can see the floor of. Even the couch has been covered in mess. 

Today is also one of those days where Youngjae accidentally let Bambam into his candy stash and that usually means Bambam is way too hyper for his own or anybody’s good. Luckily, they have Jaebum around and Bambam’s already been given two strikes, so he’s all but reduced to little giggles and wiggles, nothing drastic. Just enough to slowly get Yugyeom’s blood boiling while Mark and Jackson hide their snickering behind their hands. 

“What?” Yugyeom hisses after the fourteenth time Bambam giggles and nudges his shoulder. Nudges his shoulder hard enough that he’s almost bumping his shoulder into Jaebum, who is sitting on his other side. 

Bambam responds with another giggle, and another nudge, even harder now, this one actually sending Yugyeom crashing into Jaebum’s shoulder. His eyebrows look like they’re about to crawl off his head, or stand vertically and do the polka.

“Did you need something, Yugyeom-ah?” Jaebum asks, looking over. Yugyeom can only blush bright red and stutter out a no. Mark and Jackson aren’t even bothering to hid their laughter anymore and Bambam’s eyes have literally rolled up into the back of his head. “You’re looking a little flushed, do you have a fever? Maybe we should get you back home early tonight, wouldn’t want you getting sick.”

“What? No! I’m fine!” Yugyeom insists. He hates being babied. Okay, maybe he likes that Jaebum’s caring about him, but really. He’s not a child and he refuses to get sent to bed. 

“Are you sure? Bambam, don’t you think Yugyeom’s hot?” Jaebum asks, putting the back of his hand up against Yugyeom’s forehead. 

Bambam’s cackling as he responds, “Oh yeah, so, so, so hot. The hottest.” As if that weren’t enough, Bambam throws in a few more eyebrow wiggles here and there. 

Jaebum decides soon that he’s had enough of Bambam, and also Yugyeom is still flushed so they both get sent home. Yugyeom interprets this as an opportunity to sleep. Bambam, however, interprets this as a sign from the gods that Yugyeom must be interrogated about his feelings.

“Come on,” Bambam whines when Yugyeom pulls the blanket over his head, refusing to respond. “Even Jungkook has emptied the room to give us this opportunity to talk, long and deep.”

There’s a moment of silence, and then, “That’s what she said.”

“Yugyeom you fucking filth. Get out”

“Maybe if it got you to stop bothering me,” Yugyeom counters. “What is there to even know, though? You know everything already.”

“What,” Bambam asks, “Do you mean to tell me that you still have a crush on Jaebum hyung? That’s like… That’s like first love status! Oh my gosh, I didn’t know you were so romantic!”“No,” Yugyeom hisses. “I have never had a crush on Jaebum hyung! I just. He was just really cool, okay? And he is still really cool, he has tattoos and on top of b-boying he sings, too, now. And, he’s majoring in filmmaking, he could be a movie director someday for all we know. It’s not like I like him or anything, really, like maybe he’s really handsome but— And either way, why am I discussing this with you? What are we, girls? Having a slumber party and talking about feelings?” Yugyeom’s panting a bit at the end of his rant.

“Wow. You should go on Unpretty Rapstar,” Bambam giggles at his own joke. “I think that’s the fastest I’ve ever heard you talk outside of your sleep. But, in all seriousness. Yugyeom. Even Mark and Jackson and Youngjae hyungs can see that you like him. Even Jungkook knows that you like him.”

“What? You’re exaggerating, I’ve talked to Jungkook all of twice this whole year. And don’t you find it weird that he was doing the laundry both times that he looked for me? First he had my phone in his laundry, then he had my boxers in his laundry. That’s kind of weird. And don’t you think it’s weird that he’s talked to my mom before he’s talked to me? My mom asks about him, you know, I think she cares about my non-existent roommate more than me.”

“Yugyeom! Stop avoiding the topic, we all know you talk fast when anxious. Plus, your mom cares about everyone. I bet she knows Jungkook’s social security number,” Bambam contemplates before shaking weird thoughts out of his head. Weird thoughts. “Back on topic, Yugyeom. Jaebum hyung.”

“Uhg, why do you have to do this to me,” Yugyeom groans, covering his face with his blanket. “I don’t care, I’m going to sleep.” Yugyeom jolts back up when he feels the thump of a pillow hit his back. “Ow, what the fuck Bambam? Is this Jungkook’s pillow? Why does it smell more like you?”

“You’re being rude you know. Maybe I’ll call your mom and tell on you,” Bambam complains. “Get serious, Gyeomie. Jaebum hyung was like, your sexual awakening.”

“Oh my goodness, Bambam. You’re disgusting, he was my babysitter.”

“Which is actually pretty hilarious, I can’t believe the guy you have a crush on had to babysit you,” Bambam cackles. “But really, you guys look cute together. Why don’t you just ask him out. Show him your moves.”

“No. I do not like him like that. Goodnight.” Yugyeom turns around and goes to sleep, hoping that will be the end of that conversation. It turns out, it’s absolutely not. Especially not after waking up the next morning from a wet dream about Jaebum hyung to Bambam giggling at him from Jungkook’s bed. Fuck. Fucking fuck.

—

“Hyung, save me,” Yugyeom groans. It’s been a month since the incident and not only has Bambam not let up, but he’s gotten Jackson and Mark in on it, too, resulting in too much giggling and shoving and funny looks. 

“What’s wrong?” Jaebum responds coolly (so cool, so cool all the time—shut up Bambam, yes he was cool even that one time he stuffed 25 marshmallows in his mouth at one time) as he continues lazily scrolling through the pictures on his camera. God, he’s even a photographer, how much more perfect can he even be.

“Mark hyung and Jackson hyung are being annoying. And Bambam’s the worst,” Yugyeom whines. “Get me away from them.”

Jaebum just laughs at him before finally looking up and asking, “Hey Yugyeom, you want to go to that skate park downtown? Like when you were younger.”

Yugyeom nods his head vigorously and they quickly head out, Yugyeom claiming that he’s better than Jaebum now while Jaebum says that the student shall never defeat the master. Yugyeom’s content, pleased, happy even. Sadly, they say that good things never last.

Thirty minutes into flipping off ramps and whatnot, Yugyeom slips and comes crashing down. “Fuck!” he groans, gripping his ankle. It doesn’t actually hurt that bad, and it was really the embarrassment and surprise of the fall that had him crying out, but Jaebum comes rushing over. 

“Oh my goodness, Yugyeom! Are you okay? Do you think you need to go to the hospital?” Jaebum asks, rushing over to flutter around him. “Did you roll your ankle? Are you going to be okay? We should get you some ice,” Jaebum continues, ignoring Yugyeom’s protests. 

“I’m fine! I promise!” Yugyeom protests, waving his hands around. He is in no way sniffling. Nope, not at all. “Stop, hyung!”

Jaebum just sighs. “Regardless, we should get you home and there’s no way I’m letting you walk on that. Get on,” he says, squatting down in from of Yugyeom. 

“Hyung, stop! I’m taller than you,” he grumbles, but regardless hops on, blushing bright red. 

(This configuration obviously does not work because no matter how strong Jaebum is, Yugyeom’s feet somehow still awkwardly drag on the ground, so they end up hobbling forward with Yugyeom leaning heavily into Jaebum’s side. Still, the proximity is good enough that Yugyeom can smell Jaebum’s grown up dude cologne and he stutters in his responses all the way back home.)

—

“So basically,” Bambam begins, “What you’re trying to say,” he pauses, shakes his head, “Is that...” he sighs, looks up at the ceiling, back down at the floor, “You mean to say,” he looks around, behind, clasps his hands, “Jaebum hyung took you out on a kdrama date. And then he equated it to back when he used to babysit you.”

“Um. Yes?” Yugyeom says, shoulders pulled up.

“Well,” Bambam begins, only to fall apart into a fit of laughter. “You, my sweet young child, have a problem. You’ve been baby-zoned.” 

“Wha-what? No, stop! That’s not funny,” Yugyeom sputters. “Stop laughing at me. I’m not a child! I’m legal!”

“Well don’t tell that to me! Tell that to Jaebum hyung, it’s his opinion that you’ve got to change. Besides, if you keep acting like a baby, he’ll treat you like a baby. Please don’t tell me you cried when you fell.”

“Just because I can’t smack you through the phone, doesn’t mean I won’t come for you later,” Yugyeom grumbles. He still can’t believe that Jaebum hyung tried to piggy back him all the way back home. Seriously, it was just a small scrape on his ankle—it called for maybe a Band-Aid, max. “What I need is for you to help me come up with ideas on how to change Jaebum hyung’s mind. He won’t budge!”

“Course he won’t, not until you show him.”

“Show him what? Have I not been completely obvious already? You said that everyone on campus knows I have a crush on him, so why is he not doing anything about it,” Yugyeom whines. 

“Well, I don’t know! You gotta flirt, you gotta like, you know—“ Bambam’s voice cuts off suddenly and Yugyeom can hear him whining in the background as a new voice comes through the line. 

“You dance. So seduce him.”

“I’m sorry, what? Who is this? Jungkook?” But the line is already dead. 

—

As it turns out, Yugyeom’s mom seems to have had somewhat of the same idea that Jungkook (??? Yugyeom’s not sure, it kind of sounded like Jungkook but then again he’s only heard Jungkook’s voice once but he also thinks he heard Bambam says “Jungkookie” but also Bambam was giggling too much to comprehend and Yugyeom doesn’t really care to spend time investigating the mystery of supposed-roommate Jeon Jungkook when he can be seducing soon-to-be-boyfriend Im Jaebum) had given over the phone. 

“Yugyeom! Why didn’t you tell me you had a dance competition next Saturday?” and a phone being waved in his face is the first thing Yugyeom’s greeted with when he walks to their regular courtyard table for lunch. 

“I’m sorry what? How did you know about that?” On the inside, somewhere deep down, Yugyeom can hear alarm bells shouting “JINYOUNG JINYOUNG JINYOUNG JINYOUNG” but Yugyeom also knows that it’s rude to assume and one should never call their mother by her first name (at least by Confucian standards). So Yugyeom asks, because this is not a k-drama and Yugyeom does not have time for silly misunderstandings that try to stand in his way of winning Jaebum hyung’s heart. “Was it my mom?”

“Well, Mrs. Park texted me two days ago and then this morning Bambam confirmed, not to mention provided me with three tickets so that Jackson, Mark and I can all go see,” Jaebum replies. “I’m proud of you, Gyeom-ah. I remember when you were just a kid and first learning to shuffle, you were so tiny back then.”

And so began yet another episode into memory lane, recalling young Yugyeom with chubby cheeks and a bowl cut instead of oohing and ahhing at Yugyeom’s sexy hip thrusting, gyrating and rotating skills. It can also be noted that Bambam did nothing at all to help the matter when he came along with a Mark and a Jackson in his left and right hands respectively, perking up at the talk of dancing. “Oh! I dance! I dab every morning when I wake up!”

—

Too soon (or maybe not soon enough, considering Bambam spent every moment of the week reminding Yugyeom that it was his “chance to shine, and get Jaebum hyung to, for once, look your way! Be ready to make your moves, tiger.”) Saturday rolls around. Yugyeom spends the whole morning practicing and perfecting his final moves, taking breaks to freak out over the fact that Jaebum hyung would be watching his performance. The afternoon passes by in a blur of more freaking out, Bambam doing his make-up, and trying to to cry and/or sweat in said make-up. 

Yugyeom doesn’t recall how, but he ends up dressed and backstage, waiting for the competition to begin. The house lights haven’t gone down yet, so Yugyeom takes the opportunity to peek through a gap in the curtains, looking for his friends (mostly just Jaebum, though). He immediately spots Bambam holding up a large banner that says… “Jungkookie”? Next to Bambam sits a sleeping Youngjae, but Yugyeom can’t be too sure as there’s another banner draped over the kid’s face that might say “Yugyeomie.” A couple of rows behind them, Jackson is putting Skittles in his nose while Mark looks on in disgust and Jaebum (oh my god Jaebum oh my god he’s wearing his low v neck oh my god) pretends he doesn’t know the two. Satisfied, Yugyeom attempts a wave, shakes his head when nobody sees him, and heads back when the lights begin to dim. 

He spends the rest of the night trying not to shake his leg, greeting his seniors and thinks he might have high-fived Jungkook at some point, but he can’t be sure because it’s his turn to go up for his modernized tango duet piece. His hand slips at some point, but he keeps dancing and when they turn to bow, he thinks he might see his hyungs cheering, but the spotlights are too bright and the audience is too dark to really tell. 

During his solo performance, however, the lights are dimmed in a series of reds and blues and Yugyeom finds Jaebum in the dark of the audience, eyes linking as he moves across the stage. Later, when Jackson drags them out to celebrate Yugyeom’s fourth place win in the duet section, the lights of the club are once again flashes of red and blue and Yugyeom senses a feeling of déjà vu as he sees Jaebum watching him through the crowd. 

—

“Well. I think you’ll be happy to hear that Jaebum told Mark told Jackson told me, who is now telling you, that he thinks you looked way too fucking hot to handle when you were grinding in the club last night. Like, seriously on another level, is he even human, how is he humping the floor in a club and not getting trampled, kinda wanna fuck right now level too hot to handle,” Bambam reports.

Yugyeom just groans and rolls over. “What time is it?” he croaks out, cracking open an eyelid. “Did you even go home last night?”

“It’s nine in the morning, and I was over at Jackson and Mark hyungs’ place until like, I don’t really know, but then I heard what I just told you and I absolutely had to come share the news. But you were sleeping still and Jungkook let me in and now I’m telling you. It worked! There’s just one problem.”

“What?” Yugyeom croaks. He didn’t even hear what half of Bambam said but at times like these, he knows it’s best to just indulge in his best friend. 

“Jaebum hyung got super depressed after he confessed that and started crying about how you were still such a cute baby and whatnot.”

“Uhggg,” Yugyeom groans. “Not cute. Why.”

“I mean, I also think that Jaebum hyung in general is just a crying drunk, but hey. What are you gonna do?”

“Dunno. Gonna sleep,” Yugyeom responds. He also mourns. Mourns for his love life, but mostly mourns for his terrible choice in friends and his loss of precious sleep. 

“NO.”

“Whoah okay I’m up calm down, Bam, I’ll do whatever you say,” Yugyeom says, jolting up. “Lower your voice, please.” 

“You shall confess.”

Yugyeom groans again and falls back in bed. “How do you expect that.”

“The next time you see him, push him up against a wall and say, ‘Hyung, I’ve loved you since the 4th grade, marry me!’”

Yugyeom decides it’s best to return to sleep. 

—

A month passes during which Jaebum appears to avoid Yugyeom and Yugyeom lets it happen. He thinks he’s figured out why Jungkook is never in their dorm room when his “wild” dreams get wilder and frequenter as the sexual frustration builds up. (Seriously, isn’t college supposed to be about hook ups and releasing stress through one night stands?) It eventually leads to a point at which Jungkook tells Bambam tells Mark tells Jackson who is fed up with a constipated Jaebum and decides it’s officially time for meddling. 

“Gyeom-doong! It’s been so long since you came over, will you grace the humble Jackson with your presence this evening? I’ll let you pick the menu for dinner,” Jackson calls. 

“Hyung, I’m really busy tonight, I actually want to get my work done!” Yugyeom whines, although it’s mostly a lie. He just really wants to lie around and play MapleStory into the wee hours of the night. 

“Oh come on, I miss you! Youngjae will even be there, with Coco, too! And if you’re worried about Jaebum hyung, he said he’s busy so he won’t be there until later,” Jackson responds, which is actually true, however the text only said thirty minutes late, max. Enough time to get Yugyeom sufficiently trashed and talking freely. 

“Fine,” Yugyeom huffs, not realizing that he has signed away the fate of the rest of his love life. 

“Yes! Perfect, see you then, Gyeom-doong~” Jackson the Love Guru says before ending the call. Plan Wang is in motion, Captain Wang is carrying Jaegyeom through the icy waters of Love on board his Wangan. 

—

It’s a rather small party and yet with the presence of Jackson it feels like so much more and not even fifteen minutes in, Jackson has gathered everybody into a circle to begin a round of truth or dare. (“Seriously?” Mark asks, “What are we, middle schoolers? What are you gonna ask, ‘who do you like like?” Jackson coughs, glances at Yugyeom and responds, “Yeah.”)

Yugyeom is fairly unfocused, and takes the opportunity to doze off in the middle of the game, subsequently missing the entrance of somebody new. 

“YUGYEOM!” Jackson’s loud screeching is enough to wake anybody, and Yugyeom jolts out of his light doze. “No sleeping during my parties! Now truth or dare?”

“Uh truth?” Yugyeom responds. Nobody takes a dare from Jackson and survives with an intact reputation. He ignores the “haha pussy” from Mark because everybody remembers how Mark cried for an hour after Jackson’s games last time. 

“Why did you first start liking Jaebum hyung?” Jackson asks. “Because seriously, why would anybody be sexually attracted to that old dino—“ (Here he is cut off by Bambam who shoves a hand over Jackson’s face.)

“Oh,” Yugyeom says, wondering how obvious he must have been. “I dunno. He’s just. Super cool.”

“Too vague, you get a penalty dare,” Jackson declares, moving to the kitchen. 

“No, wait!” Yugyeom calls out. “He uh, one time helped me!”

“Oh this is cute I like where this is going, continue,” Bambam demands, scooting forward. 

“I was, um, at the playground on the swings. Some kid pushed me off, so I started crying. And Jaebum hyung was with me, and he got mad and he pushed the kid that pushed me off, and put me back on the swing and scolded the other kid. And that was really cool.”

“Oh my god, yes, that is so cute, I love it, go on,” Jackson imitates Bambam, scooting forward as well. 

“And, well. He had a skateboard?” Yugyeom finishes.

There’s a pause, before Jackson calls out, “LAME. Penalty dare, 7 minutes with Jaebum hyung, go go go.”

“Wait, what?” Yugyeom doesn’t even get the chance to complain before he’s thrown into the closet with somebody else in a flurry of limbs and the door is shut. 

Jackson puts his ear up to the door, hears “Wait, you’re like, a baby! You’re practically four years old!” followed by “God damn it hyung, I’m nineteen.” followed by a few thumps. He turns back to the room with a wide grin and is greeted with cheers, pats on the back and fist bumps. Mark sits dumbfounded, wondering, “How the fuck did that even work.”

—

Jinyoung cries when she hears the news, sobbing, “I’m so sorry, Jaebum. I didn’t mean for my son to taint you like that,” as she simultaneously pulls out every baby album she has of Yugyeom in order to show Jaebum, including the many pictures of Yugyeom and Jaebum together in their childhood days.

**Author's Note:**

> hmu on tumblr @busanjeongin and twitter @2jaepg!
> 
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> 
> [Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/R6R27QMR)


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